I’ve been thinking about Maths a lot. Currently dealing with percentages is doing my head in. I vaguely remember being taught them at school but anything that isn’t easy 10% ish figure I can’t seem to calculate.

This has lead me to think about education- I grew up in the 80’s. I ditched maths in high school as soon as I could.

Mostly because dealing with maths means dealing with humiliation.

In primary school for a times tables end quiz two of us stood up and we were asked a times question. The other person made it slightly faster than I did. That wasn’t the issue- it was the joke afterwards by the ‘winner’ which made the class laugh. Which has never left.

I’ve avoided most jobs that involve working with numbers. I know its not my thing, I feel uncomfortable in those situations.

Problem is that training at work is about showing 95% accuracy. I get to 90% consistently but 95% seems unreachable.

I try not to obsess over it or worry about it as stressing out will only lower the percentage rate overall.

I personally have never had any problems with caring for cats.

I find it odd that a person I know after having a cat for a year wants to pass it on to someone else. They’ve had this cat from a kitten but now they have had enough of looking after it.

This bugs me a lot. If you choose to have a pet- you’re committed for the long haul.

So I decided to discuss this with a different friend and they think certain personalities don’t gel and apparently this person and their cat’s personality didn’t gel. That perhaps this person should’ve started with a adult cat- but I don’t know if they’d handle a adult cat any better than their current pet.

Does that work? I’ve never had a personality clash with a pet, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen or that others don’t experience it? Are we justifying a bad cat owner’s behaviour instead of challenging them?

I watch you

trying to understand

that a poor woman can be intelligent

and still have a small income.

I watch you

trying to understand

how a good person is never rewarded

but keeps trying anyway.

I watch you

trying to get those interested in you

to also be interested in your interests

or else you don’t let them in

You think I’m trying to destroy your boundaries

just because I’m trying to get to know you

and I look like the opposite of you

You with the normal family

who grew up in a supportive environment

you fail to understand

that I am not a bad person because I had the opposite,

a broken home with no money

but I’m still a good person

with possibly a bit more depth than you have

and I understand how you think

As I’m always coming across it,

from people who want me to stay put.

When we laugh together

it feels so good,

when we are around each other

magic seems to happen

yet somehow its not enough for you

to jump

to try someone new,

to choose something wonderful.

It turned dark when you weren’t here

It turned dark when you neglected me

It turned dark with silence

and I’m fighting my way through it

so I don’t become dark with it.

The problem always was her,

shes here next to you all the time,

there is no space for me

there is no space for something new to grow between us.

I knew something was up but no idea what,

but you never communicated to me directly.

I wonder do you expect me just to put up with it all,

this toxic silent of feelings unexpressed

While your needs and wants are met

but mine are left dangling,

over the edge with a drop of a few thousand feet,

You haven’t told her and I know that

And I can’t break her heart

but you won’t either.

Are you too busy for love?

Is your job better than feeling loved?

As it seems to be the only thing you care about.

Would you value people if they were just money to you?

Do you care only about what you own,

cleaning polishing

and yet if you gave me the same attention

perhaps we could fly-

fly through the jobs,

fly through the house, the car,

all of it a lightweight,

if you’d just love people,

the way you loved your toys.

For a scientist

you never question your assumptions

for a scientist

you didn’t do your research

for a scientist

you evaluate your underlying beliefs

for a scientist

you never sought validation for your assumptions about me.

I’ve been wondering if in New Zealand, currently, there is a new underclass of people.

And its the single working woman, renting, mid thirties, on a low income. She pays her bills on time, looks after any pets she has if she has them. And I’m sorry to say it is mostly women- as women aren’t given the same opportunities or overall support like men are.

Her parents aren’t to blame, she isn’t to blame, yet she is trapped. She can’t move into a house of her own without a substantial amount of money that is nearly impossible to save on her own, and her parents aren’t that well off to provide such funds either. So she is stuck renting, not saving much though she tries.

You turned love into a mountain,

a steep rocky mountain,

with no footholds or guiding pathways,

I stumbled my way forward, intimidated.

I kept falling over and cutting myself on your nasty edges.

And I kept plodding on,

as I just want to reach the summit and rest

You think I’m lazy 

because I’m poor,

You think I’m stupid,

because I’m poor.

I should’ve conformed years ago

despite being poor,

I should’ve bought the right clothes

in spite of being poor.

I see how you think

but I don’t like it.

Perhaps you should try

being poor

before judging the poor